


Alone in His Waiting

by Deannie



Series: Young Mister Ryan and His Undercover Cousin [6]
Category: Castle, The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Episode s08e17: Death Wish, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:13:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6560608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deannie/pseuds/Deannie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard to be the one in the hospital room. It's hard to be the one 1,800 miles away. It's hard to be the one waiting. (Major spoilers for Castle season 8 episode 17, Death Wish)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone in His Waiting

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read this if you don't want to be spoiled for the end of Death Wish. You've been warned.

Tuesday afternoon found Team Seven doing the glamorous work of closing out the case after a successful raid on Jerry Madsen’s gun-running crew the night before. They’d stopped more than two thousand guns from hitting the streets in Colorado and Utah, and ensured that Madsen and his operation were shut down for good.

Fifteen men had been arrested in a sting that had taken a week to plan and involved two other teams—neither of whom would be required to take part in the mountain of paperwork, of course.

Ezra Standish truly couldn’t be more bored if he tried.

A wad of paper came sailing at him from the direction of Buck’s desk, and Ezra deflected it easily, pegging Vin in the side of the head. When the young Texan looked up, Ezra’s countenance was as bland and mild as ever.

“Don’t think I don’t know that was you, Buck,” Vin growled, but without heat. He was as bored as the rest of them.

“You’re the marksman, Tanner,” Buck called out, standing so he could be seen over the half wall that defined his cubicle. “How’d I manage that angle?”

“Caromed off a Southerner,” Vin replied. And then he pegged Buck in the face with the selfsame paper wad.

 _Okay,_ Ezra thought with a smile. _Perhaps I_ could _be more bored._

“Let’s have this meeting and get it over with,” Chris called from the doorway of his office.

“Hell, yeah,” Buck said happily. “Figure we can get to the Saloon before happy hour ends.”

Ezra snorted and looked over at Vin. “Two-for-one appetizers,” he muttered. “Truly, our lives are far too exciting.”

Josiah clapped him on the back as the team made its way to the conference room. “For a man who was recently the focus of a dozen armed thugs, I’d expect a little boredom wouldn’t come amiss.”

“Mr. Sanchez, there is a reason I chose the profession I did,” Ezra drawled. “It was _not_ to drown in form 6542s.”

“You can have the system autofill those online, you know?” JD piped up, ever helpful.

Ezra did know that, of course. “Merely an example of the crushing tedium, JD.”

“Why don’t you keep us all interested by reviewing the undercover details of the case, Ezra,” Chris said, taking the seat at the head of the table. He was in a surprisingly good mood, and for once, Ezra didn’t plan to spoil that.

“I received a call from Hiram Bot—” He broke off as his phone buzzed, the “inaudible” signal of a text audible to everyone. “Excuse me.”

 **`JENNY RYAN`**  
`Operation Baby Ryan 2 is a go!`

Ezra grinned. The baby was a few days early this time, because Kevin had been sure it would be late again. Hopefully the babe could come into the world with a little less drama than its older sister.

“Something you want to share with the class?” Josiah rumbled good-naturedly.

Ezra looked up to see everyone staring at him. “No, gentlemen. My apologies,” he said, shoving his phone in his jacket pocket. “Family business.” He cleared his throat and got back to _work_ business—everyone was waiting on him, after all. “As I was saying,” he started again, ignoring his pocket as it buzzed once more. “I received a call from Hiram Bottin claiming that he had information on Madsen’s operation.” Chris gave him a dirty look as his jacket buzzed _again_. “Specifically that there would be a buy sometime in the next week and a half. A buy of some magnitude…”

He shook his head as his jacket pocket continued to buzz irregularly. He’d specifically asked Jenny not to put him on a group text for this very reason. It had clearly slipped her mind. “Please excuse me. One moment.” He pulled out his phone, saw a number of well wishes and prayers for the new arrival, and turned off the phone entirely. “Now, as I was saying…”

****

Kevin couldn’t breathe. He looked in the window of Jenny’s room, watching the doctors and nurses as they adjusted her oxygen, added bags to the IV pole, scrutinized the output of the EKG machine… He dialed another number. He’d talked to Jenny’s mom and dad, who had been with friends in Virginia and were now probably breaking speed limits to get here. He’d called his mom, who had Sarah Grace at the house—until five minutes ago, they’d been happily waiting to find out if she’d be a big sister to a boy or a girl…

Now he had to call the third side of the family. He ran a hand through his hair as one of the nurses rushed out of the room. God, this was a nightmare.

“Yo, man, that was quick!” Javi’s voice over the phone line was obscenely cheery. Kevin was going to throw up soon.

“Something’s wrong,” he blurted out. He’d managed to keep it together for her mom and his, but with Javi, he just couldn’t. “Jenny’s…” What? Jenny’s dying? He couldn’t say that. He couldn’t _think_ that.

“Bro, talk to me,” Javi said quietly when Kevin ran out of words. “What’s going on?”

“The doctors are trying to keep her, um… breathing…” How could he explain when he couldn’t breathe himself?

“Shit,” Javi whispered. “It’s okay, Kev,” he said gently. Too gently, because that wasn’t what Javi did, and it made it _worse_ somehow, instead of better. And God, it wasn't okay. “We’re on our way, all right?” There was a pause. “You got anybody there? Where’re the girls?”

Kevin laughed, low and pathetic. “We didn’t plan for a whole party. Mom’s at home with Sarah Grace. My sisters can’t come in. ICU rules, so I told them not to come.” He held in a whimper as the nurse rushed back into the room with a bag of blood… “Javi…” He didn’t even know what he was pleading for his friend to do.

“We’re coming, Bro,” Javi assured him in his no nonsense soldier voice—the one that made it less impossible for Kevin to breathe. “Just hold on, okay, man?”

“Yeah,” Kevin whispered, disconnecting the call and looking up as a young brunette walked out of the room. Dr. Litton, the resident who had been the first one to sound the alarm when Jenny started having problems, looked up at him and gestured for him to walk with her to the seating area around the corner.

Their OB, Dr. Mallory, was dealing with a different emergency case at a different hospital altogether. He said he’d be there to help with this baby. He was still annoyed he hadn’t had a hand in Sarah Grace’s birth and had vowed to deliver their next one...

“Let me update you on how we’re doing,” Litton said, pulling him back to the present. She looked too grim and too young and Kevin really was going to throw up now.

*******

“So what’s going on, Ezra?” Vin asked, leaning back in his place in the booth and relaxing. The saloon was pretty empty at six o’clock on a Tuesday. “Your phone was ringing off the hook there.”

Ezra shook his head. “It’s nothing,” he began—

“Hot date,” Buck interrupted, sitting down and boxing Ezra in as he plunked another pitcher of beer on the table. “Probably another of those clingy Southern belles he’s so partial to.”

Ezra shook his head. “I seem to recall that _you_ were the one who received dead flowers daily for a month after you stood your girlfriend up.”

Buck snorted. “Giselle, yeah. She was difficult, I’ll give you that.”

“She was one step from Glenn Close, Buck,” Chris said.

Ezra chuckled along with the rest of them, but did reach into his jacket pocket and turn his phone back on. Second children often came more quickly.

He looked at the texts on his lock page, his heart thudding suddenly in his chest.

 **`JIMMY`**  
`Tell Kevin I’m praying for them.`

 **`MATTY JONES`**  
`I’ll call Dr. Young over at LI Jewish. I think he’s got an expert in it.`

 **`JUNE HILTON`**  
`Oh, Lil! HUGS! We’re thinking about you all. Please let us know.`

He opened his chat history, scrolling back to the beginning of the massive string of shared texts. His aunt had sent it just half an hour ago.

 **`LILLIAN RYAN`**  
`Jenny having problems. They think it might be amniotic fluid embolism. Kevin with her. Everybody pray. PLEASE.`

“Aw, hell,” he whispered, the words covered by the sounds of happy patrons. AFE… The diagnosis threw him back to Chicago fifteen years ago, and a fellow agent who lost his wife and their fourth child, both in the space of a single long night.

“Ezra, you okay?” JD asked. Ezra looked up at him, coming up blank as to a response. God, it was a simple baby—women had babies every day. Literally.

“I’m fine, JD, thanks,” he replied, though most of the men around the table didn’t seem to believe it. He turned to Buck. “Could you excuse me? I have a phone call to make.”

Buck slid out of the booth, letting him pass, but giving him a clearly worried look. Ezra nodded in thanks and headed for the front door, dialing his Aunt Lil as he went. It took three tries for her to answer—probably talking to someone else about what was happening. Ezra paced the sidewalk outside the bar as he waited.

“Oh Ezra,” she said when he finally had her on the line, steeling herself to tell a tale she’d clearly told too many times already.

As she explained Jenny’s condition, he almost wished she hadn’t answered the phone at all. Jenny had passed out and stopped breathing during labor. A doctor who’d seen the condition before had acted quickly, and they hoped for a good recovery, but they couldn’t deliver the baby until—if—they could stabilize her…

Derrick’s wife had been the same. That was what his partner had said. They’d tried to stabilize her enough to deliver the baby by caesarian, but they’d both died before that happened.

“What…” He almost didn’t say it because it was a stupid thing to say. He knew that, and yet still the words came out of his mouth. “What can I do?”

Lil chuckled sadly. “I’m twenty blocks away and I can’t do anything but pray, honey,” she told him lightly. “God listens there in Colorado, too.”

Ezra swallowed any answer. God and he hadn’t had a meaningful conversation in a very long time.

So he rang off and headed back inside to say his farewells. There was no way he was sitting here in a bar, surrounded by laughing, happy people. It was perverted, somehow.

Vin intercepted him ten feet inside the door. “What’s going on Ezra?” he asked softly.

Ezra shook his head. “It’s nothing,” he replied. Vin got that look in his eyes, and Ezra clarified. “Nothing you can help with.” He sighed fatalistically. Nothing anyone could help with. “Family business.”

“Is Maude okay?” Vin was honestly worried for her, which should have warmed Ezra’s heart, but for some reason just made him bitter. Maude was sure as hell not on the fucking phone tree. She wouldn’t care, even if she was.

“As far as I know,” he said, trying not to let the irrational anger show. This was all just insanely stupid. Vin was watching him, so he smiled gratefully. “I assure you, Vin, I’m fine.” He looked around the bar. “Just not much in the mood for celebration at the moment.”

“Okay,” Vin said in that simple way that was surprisingly exactly what Ezra needed at the moment. “See you tomorrow, then.” He grinned a small grin. “I’ll make your excuses.”

Ezra snorted as he nodded goodbye. “I’m sorry I’ll miss that.”

********

“Kevin?”

Dr. Litton’s light British accent penetrated when none of the endless words and movements and beeps and squeals of the last four hours had. Kevin looked up at her and blinked hard to get her into focus after so long staring across the room at Jenny’s bed. And the tubes. And the wires. The machine that pushed oxygen into her nose to keep her airway from collapsing.

The neonatologist had been in a while ago, letting him know that the baby’s heartbeat was still strong and there was appropriate fetal movement, but that, if Jenny couldn’t get oxygen, neither could the baby, so if it got to the point where they couldn’t keep her oxygen up, then the baby...

God….

“Kevin, did you hear me?” Litton asked.

“No,” he answered truthfully.

She squeezed his shoulder. “We’re going to deliver the baby soon, okay?” The words were said slowly, like informing a relative after a brutal homicide.

He cleared his throat twice before he could make words. “But you said you couldn’t deliver it until she was stable or…” Or too far gone.

A hand gripped his chin. “Look at the monitor,” Litton demanded.

So he did. The numbers were more like they’d been when they walked in the door. Not normal, but better. So much better. He looked up at Litton again and she was suddenly sharper, clearer. “She’s…?”

“Jenny, can you hear me?” Krysta, the nurse he’d been introduced to first in the ICU, was leaning over the bed, her hand squeezing Jenny’s. “Jenny, can you open your eyes?”

Kevin didn’t remember moving, but he was suddenly on the other side of the bed, the tears he hadn’t had energy to let loose before now trailing down his face. His breath caught in his throat as Jenny’s eyes opened, the confused gaze floating around until she locked onto him.

“Kevin?” she asked, voice weak as water.

“Yeah, babe,” he whispered. “Yeah, you’re okay.” He knew she wasn’t, but God, he wanted her to be.

“Jenny, the baby’s ready to come,” Litton said, nodding to the herd of people who were suddenly at the door. Krysta bent down and unlocked the wheels of the bed while one of the orderlies came in and attached all the machines to the hooks that dotted the headboard.

“Okay,” Jenny murmured, not tracking.

“Mr. Ryan?”

Kevin turned to see the obstetric surgeon he’d spoken to what seemed like days ago. Dr. Wilson or something.

“Dr. Mallory is on his way—he’s coming as quickly as traffic will allow.”

He nodded. Good. That was good. He shouldn’t miss this one, too.

“We’re going to do this in the OR,” Wilson explained. “It would be better for Jenny if we can help her deliver vaginally, but if the baby’s vitals drop, we’ll need to act fast so we want to be ready.” She smiled gently. “We’ve been amazingly lucky so far. He’s a strong kid.”

“He?” Kevin asked, stunned. _Lucky?_

Dr. Wilson frowned. “Crap,” she said, so normally and mildly that Kevin’s reality skewed even more. “That was supposed to be a surprise, wasn’t it?”

Kevin looked at Jenny, remembering a discussion from Sarah Grace’s lifetime ago. Jenny’s lips were tinged with blue now. He’d been gasping for breath then. He nodded to the doctor and slid back over to where Jenny was looking slightly more alert.

“Jenny, honey?” he said, loudly enough to capture her wandering attention. He swallowed hard to keep from screaming. “Cat’s out of the bag, babe,” he told her with a tearful smile. “It’s a boy.”

She grinned, almost herself if not for the blue and the oxygen tube in her nose and the dull, dull look in her eyes. “A boy? Really?”

He laughed, cold and painful and _wrong_. “Yeah. We, um…”

Jenny did what she always did—what made her the woman he fell in love with—she pulled herself together and cleared her throat and got down to business. “We need to name him. Together.”

Kevin’s chest hurt. Was this what she’d felt the last time, when he was buried in a burning building, helping her name a child he wouldn’t live to see? “I got to do it last time,” he said. “And you only have to come up with one name.”

“Nicholas,” she whispered, trying to marshal her strength. “Nicholas Javier.”

 _“You’re gonna name a white, Irish kid Javier?”_ Javi’s voice mocked him in his memory.

“That’s perfect, babe,” he whispered back.

“We’re ready to move, Mr. Ryan,” Krysta said, breaking in apologetically. Kevin’s heart sank. They were supposed to have this baby _together_. “One of the nurses will get you gowned up so you can come in.”

He looked at her smile and tried to swallow. “I can…? I mean, it’s an operating room. Can I…?”

“You have a couple of minutes,” she told him. “If you want to send an update?”

Kevin nodded. He wished he could go out and tell Javi, but he didn’t want to miss his chance to be there. He should at least text his mom. But first…

“Hey, Jenny,” he whispered, leaning over and giving her a kiss on the forehead and another on the lips. “What do you say? Ready to have a baby?”

She nodded—barely—and gave him a wan smile. She really did seem more alert, thank God.

“I love you,” he breathed.

“Love you, too, babe,” she whispered back, her eyes closing. “Meet you there.”

As they rolled her away, Kevin texted his mother one quick note.

`Jenny awake. Delivering baby now. Pray.`

******

Ezra should have been able to sleep. He’d slept in the middle of undercover operations where every second might mean his death—or someone else’s. He should be able to sleep through another man’s crisis, right? Sleep was a necessary commodity and denying it dulled the senses.

But this was different.

> “So who is this again?” he’d asked his mother as the train rolled into Penn Station. He’d been exactly the worst type of fifteen year old, mouthy and moody. _He_ would have unloaded him on an unsuspecting relative, too.
> 
> “This is your father’s sister, Lillian, and you have met her and her husband before, Ezra,” Mother chided. “I’ll ask you to keep a civil tongue in your head while you’re here.”
> 
> He nodded truculently. “And how long will that be, exactly?”
> 
> There was no answer, nor surprise at the lack of one.
> 
> Lillian and her husband had four children, three girls and a young boy named Kevin, who was smart, funny, and completely overshadowed by his sisters.
> 
> Ezra had taken to him immediately…

His phone buzzed, and he steeled himself to look at it.

 **`LILLIAN RYAN`**  
`Stabilized and in the OR. Baby holding his own.`

_His._

Ezra felt his heart contract. Kevin had been hoping for a boy. What would happen if Jenny died? The family would help, of course. Lil doted on Sarah Grace already, but...

The knock on the door startled him, and he glanced at the phone again. Who in the world would be knocking at this time of night?

He smiled wanly. Vin, of course. He stood and went to the door, opening it with a grin that was not quite warm, but that tried to be welcoming.

“Mr. Tanner,” he greeted the sniper tiredly. “It’s ten thirty on a school night. What are you thinking?”

“Thinking maybe, whatever’s going on, you shouldn’t be alone.” He held up a bottle of scotch—good scotch, for once. “You can tell me to leave if you want,” he said quietly.

Ezra waved him in, then went to the wet bar and procured a pair of glasses. His phone kept buzzing, as it had all evening. Endless family and friends texting because they couldn’t do anything else. Saying foolish, prattling things because there was nothing to say but they had to connect.

“Kevin’s wife is in labor,” he announced, putting the glasses on his coffee table and sitting heavily on the couch. “It’s going poorly.”

“Shit, Ezra,” Vin muttered, opening the scotch quickly and pouring generously for both of them. “I’m sorry. Is the baby…?” He clearly didn’t know how to ask.

“They don’t know,” Ezra said. “They’re delivering it now, but…” But Derrick’s wife hadn’t survived that part. “Jenny is stabilized, at least.” He tried to focus on that.

Like Kevin, Derrick’s wife and children were the center of his life, and Ezra had heard a hundred different stories about the kids and their antics, Derrick’s wife and her causes and mothering...

And then, suddenly, Derrick was left alone. Left alone to raise three small children who couldn’t understand why Mommy was gone and where their baby was. “Because Daddy told them there’d be a baby,” Derrick had said tearfully, still destroyed months after the birth. Perhaps that look in Derrick’s eyes was why Chris Larabee’s endless grief never came as much surprise.

Vin was quiet a long time. “You’d think they’d get a break after how their first was born,” he said finally. To say _something_ , Ezra supposed.

“Kevin’s always done things the hard way,” he said, a slight smile on his face, though he was nearly drowning in the idea of what Sarah would do without her momma and little brother. “Our grandmother used to say he had the blessing of bad luck.” He drained his glass and barely noticed that Vin refilled it automatically. “Everything could go wrong for him and he’d still come out roses and sunshine.”

Vin snorted at that. “Yeah.” He nudged Ezra, which for some strange reason was very comforting. “I know the type.”

“I fear the blessing’s worn out now,” Ezra whispered. “If not the luck.”

“Did you talk to him?” Vin had taken an instant liking to the New York City detective when Kevin had come out to Denver to drag Ezra back from hell just a year after he’d started at the ATF. Ezra wished he could return the favor now, but this wasn’t a case where guns or brains could rule the day.

“I’m not sure he’d hear a word said, honestly,” Ezra replied. “His partner is there, though my Aunt Lil says the hospital wouldn’t let him into the ICU to be with them.”

Vin smiled. “He needs Chris.”

That drew a chuckle from Ezra. If this were Rain, Chris would have torn down the walls to make sure that Nathan wasn’t alone in his waiting. “They’re in the OR now,” he explained. “I expect, given the circumstances, they’d have let Kevin stay with her, in case…” He drained his drink and fell silent.

“I figure it’ll be a while, though,” Vin offered.

Ezra sighed at the implication. “I’m not sure I could sleep,” he admitted. “It’s foolish, really. Self-centered, almost, to be this upset. I mean, Kevin is my cousin, and he _is_ dear to me, but… there’s nothing I can do. And it’s not as if he needs me for comfort, particularly. He has his supports there.”

Vin filled both their glasses again and reached for the remote, surfing channels and just… being there.

“You do, too.”

*******

Kevin’s heart stopped in his chest at 1:03 on Wednesday morning. That was the precise moment that Nicholas emerged into the world, purple and still and limp, and Jenny, who had been sobbing steadily for the last half hour, was finally allowed to collapse into a sleep that was only slightly less frightening than the dead faint that began this hell hours earlier.

“He’s fine, Kevin!” Dr. Mallory’s voice had called him back from the void. “Kevin! He’s fine, look.”

Through the window of the adjoining room, he could see a wriggling, reddish-pink baby being fussed over by half a dozen doctors and nurses from the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit. Nicholas was breathing, moving… As if the volume had been turned up suddenly, he heard the bird-like squawk.

“He’s okay?” Kevin asked, a tiny sound in a room full of industry. His eyes left his son to focus on Jenny’s still face. When had her lips gone back to pink? “They’re both okay?”

“He just needed a second,” Mallory said, his brown eyes sparkling happily above his surgical mask. “That was a pretty rude entry into the world, you know?”

“And we still need to finish up with Jenny,” Litton told him quietly. “Deliver the placenta and keep her stable.” She captured his attention by placing a bloody hand on his protective gown. “They’ve made it. Just let us take care of them a little while longer.”

Kevin nodded numbly and let himself be moved to a room down the hall, where the nurse assured him they’d bring Jenny when she was ready. Alone at last, he slid down the wall to sit on the floor and just shake with reaction for a while.

“Kevin?”

He looked up at the sound, unsure of how long he’d been sitting there, to see his mother-in-law in the doorway, looking even more terrified than he was. He scrambled to his feet to embrace her, perversely glad she hadn’t been able to make it to the hospital before now.

“Geri, she’s okay,” he reassured her, though he knew that wasn’t quite true yet. It was getting truer and he stuck to that. “She’s okay—they’re both all right.”

“Danny is dropping our luggage with your mother,” she said, gulping back a sob. “The damn traffic—”

He held her tighter as the hysteria took momentary control of her. “She’ll be okay,” he reminded her.

“Of course she will,” Geri sniffed after a long moment. “Jenny’s strong.”

Kevin laughed dully. “The strongest.” He looked up as a squeaking wheel heralded the arrival of Jenny and her entourage. Geri rushed forward to see her daughter and the staff indulgently maneuvered around her to get the bed in place.

“Mom?” Jenny whispered, awake again but clearly barely clinging to the state. “Hi. It’s a boy.”

Geri giggled, reaching out to touch Jenny’s face and nodding. “Kevin texted,” she assured her daughter. Kevin just watched them, the fear that he’d have to face this woman and admit that he’d lost her daughter finally draining away. Geri kissed Jenny’s forehead. “Oh sweetie...”

“Kevin?” Dr. Litton was there again. She’d obviously taken them on as a personal crusade, and Kevin wished there was a way to properly thank her for that. “Jenny’s doing very well,” she told him. “She’s lost a lot of blood because of the embolism, but we’re transfusing her again now.” She grinned a shy but self-satisfied grin. “We caught her very early and the hypoxia was minimal, considering. I don’t foresee any long-term disability from this, but we’ll keep her in the ICU for a while, just to be sure.”

“Thank you,” he said fervently. “I don’t know what.…” He shrugged, because there really was no way to thank someone for this.

She nodded and her smile seemed to give him the strength to pull himself together. “Your son is headed to the NICU for observation—they’ll come update you as soon as they have him settled, but he looks good so far. We’ll keep Jenny here for a little while, then move her back to her room downstairs,” she promised. She gestured to his gown. “You should probably get rid of the overcoat and make some sort of announcement.”

Kevin ripped the paper covering off, shuddering at the blood on the shoulder.

“Yeah,” he whispered, a smile finally blossoming as he breathed deeply for the first time in too long. He’d call his mom on the way, but there were people downstairs he needed to see. Hopefully Javi wouldn’t razz him too badly about the name thing. “I’ll be back.”

**********

Ezra jolted awake, spread out on the couch, at midnight, surprised he’d been able to sleep. Vin was snoring in the chair and the television was set to a movie that hadn’t been on when Ezra had last stared mindlessly at the screen. It wasn’t a movie he would ever have watched, so perhaps Vin had outlasted him long enough to change the channel.

He checked his phone, but didn’t see anything that looked like new news—just more prayers and thoughts. He hadn’t bothered to text those himself. Aunt Lil knew he was thinking about them, and Kevin surely had better things to do than answer texts.

Ezra really wished his cousin would _send_ one, though.

He was headed from the bathroom to the kitchen five minutes later to brew some tea when his phone chirruped.

With all the flotsam, he’d set it to audible for only two people: Kevin and (please God) Jenny. He forgot the tea and headed for the living room.

 **`KEVIN RYAN`**  
`Nicholas Javier Ryan, 8#7, 20”. MOMMY AND SON WILL BE OK!`

Ezra smiled broadly, taking a moment to breathe, though the end of the text left him with a question. “ _Will be_ okay,” he murmured to himself. That sounded… worrisome.

It was the middle of the night for the people who had been waiting on this news, and in New York, it was too late to still be awake for most, but Ezra wasn’t surprised when his phone started vibrating madly all over again. He sat down and composed his own short text of congratulations as the incessant noise finally woke Vin.

“Everything okay?” Vin asked quietly, peering at him in the uncertain light of—seriously, what _had_ he been watching?

“Nicholas Ryan has arrived,” he replied, an edge of satisfaction in his voice. “Well and good.”

Vin sat up and rubbed a hand over his face. “Kevin’s wife?”

“It sounds as if she’s made it through too,” he said. “I’m still awaiting more details.”

He set his phone on the table and it buzzed louder as the many well wishes were amplified by the vibration of the beveled glass.

Vin smirked. “So’s everyone else,” he said wryly. He looked at his watch. “You gonna be okay if I head home?” He grinned. “People’ll talk if I come back in the same clothes I left in.”

“How could anyone tell?” Ezra asked sarcastically, surveying Vin’s extremely plain and oft-repeated clothing choices. He gave his friend a warm look, though. “Thank you, Vin,” he said sincerely. “I would have been fine on my own… But it was nice to have the company.”

“Anytime,” Vin said easily, both an acknowledgement and a promise. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Ezra groaned theatrically, seeing him to the door. “More paperwork,” he moaned. “Joy of joys.”

*********

Javier looked terrified by the neonatal ICU, and Kevin smirked at the idea that something so simple would scare the big bad ex-special forces man. He was touched that his partner had wanted to visit Nicholas with him. He didn’t need to come, but there was something comforting about not being alone anymore.

Geri and Danny and Kevin’s own large family were helping out in every way that they could, but hospital rules were hospital rules: one person in an ICU room at a time. Kin only. So when he was in with Jenny, he was on his own. Up here in the NICU, he was allowed to escort one person, but he was still usually alone. The only time he was with friends and family was when he went home to catch some sleep and play with Sarah Grace. He shouldn’t complain, he knew, given the very real alternative. He hoped that Tuesday night would never be surpassed in sheer hellishness.

“It’s just…” Javi tried to explain, as he looked at the isolette in the middle of the tiny room. Nicholas was doing great, on day of life five, but he was bright orange and currently had a protective wrap over his eyes, as he was bathed in a bright blue light. “Bro, he looks like an alien.”

Kevin laughed, though he still sort of felt like he was on the edge of hysteria most of the time. Jenny was doing better, but they were worried about the damage done to her heart and her liver and a dozen other things. Nicholas was doing well, but there were all kinds of problems he could still have…

“You okay, man?” Javi asked quietly.

“Yeah,” he answered. He shook his head and reached into the blue light to trace a well-washed hand down his son’s arm. “No.” He looked up at his partner. “I’m really not. I should be—they’re both still here, right? But…”

“Whatever happens, we’re all here for you guys,” Javi said. “Anything you need, yeah?”

Kevin smiled more genuinely. He really wasn’t alone now. And he wasn’t going to be.

“Yeah, man,” he replied. “I got it.”

*******

Ezra took a few moments every day to look at the updates Kevin put up on the hospital’s patient website. It was hardly the same as being there, obviously. But it was something. Jenny was doing better and was expected to be moved out of the ICU soon, but Nicholas had too much of something called bilirubin ad was being treated for that with phototherapy.

“Wow!” JD proclaimed as he walked by, catching sight of the picture of Nicholas’s blue-lit isolette. “He looks like an alien!”

“I’ll make sure to convey your impression to my cousin,” Ezra replied drily. “I expect that’s exactly what he wants to hear about his newborn son.”

JD looked abashed. “Sorry, Ezra. But he does—”

“Look like an alien,” Ezra completed for him. “Yes, I know.”

“You gotten hold of him yet?” Vin asked, leaning over from his desk to look at the picture.

“I haven’t tried, honestly,” Ezra told him. “Kevin is currently dealing with more than any father should have to. He hardly needs to be expending his energy talking to the rest of us.”

His phone chose that moment to buzz, and he looked down to see Kevin’s avatar signaling a call waiting. He looked up at Vin, who shared his surprise.

“You ever think maybe he might just _want_ to?” Vin said with a smile.

Ezra connected the call. “Good morning, Young Mister Ryan,” he greeted, as he stood and headed toward the conference room, both for privacy and so as not to disrupt the bullpen.

“Hey, Ezra.” Kevin sounded positively done in, and Ezra felt for him. “Working my through the list.”

“And where am I on that list?” he asked teasingly.

“After great-aunt Mildred,” Kevin joked (at least, Ezra hoped he was joking), “but before cousin Jimmy.”

“Well, as long as I can best Jimmy at _something_ ,” he returned with a smile. The smile gave way to worry. “How are you?”

Kevin had tears in his voice and Ezra settled in to listen. “Um… Been a really bad week here,” he started.

Ezra just let him talk. So he would know he wasn’t alone.

*******  
the end

 

**Author's Note:**

> Amniotic fluid embolism is serious. Very serious. I was surprised that they chose to use something with such incredibly high mortality and morbidity as their tension device. It will be interesting to see if they choose to pursue any of the possible long term consequences this diagnosis could have for both mommy and babe.


End file.
